Regrets
by Pureblood-Slytherins
Summary: Karyn Faro and Thrawn go swimming.


**A/N: **This fanfiction came to me yesterday in its entirety. So why not write it down?

**Regrets**

"No, I will stay here. You may enjoy this little vacation."

Commodore Faro hesitated for only a second.

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir."

Quickly she wrote down her orders and then went back to her station. Why didn't he want to go down? Spira was….Spira! Everyone wanted to go there. Beaches, crystal clear water, palm trees, sun, cool drinks with tiny sun shades. A paradise! And joining Minister Durla on his personal yacht was… too good to be true! Not that she was complaining, but why did he send her? Most officers would jump at the opportunity to have solid ground under their feet again. Especially it if was on a holiday reserve planet!

Karyn couldn't let the thought go and therefore followed Thrawn when he was about to enter his personal office.

"Sir?" She asked and jogged up to him.

"Could I talk to you in private?" He nodded briefly, opened the door and showed her to enter.

"After you, Commodore."

Inside she fidgeted with her datapad and then finally spat out: "I don't understand why you aren't going to Spira. It makes no sense. I'm totally honored to replace you, but as your second in command, I feel that I should tell you that you need a break. More than I do. You never take a day off and it would be good for you."

"I doubt that."

"How could a paid vacation not be good?"

"I could drown."

Karyn closed her eyes. This was a joke. It had to be. _Mr. Perfect didn't know how to stay over water?_

"You… can't swim?"

"No."

"But….How did that happen?"

"I grew up on an ice-planet. There was no water and if there was, it was too cold to swim in. Water is lethal where I come from."

"But later on…during your Imperial training?"

"My training was shortened quite a bit, as the Emperor wanted me in command as soon as possible."

"I see." Yes, that sounded right. Just that it wasn't. Swimming wasn't hard and it was downright dangerous not to know how to swim. And swimming was fun.

"I could teach you how to swim." Karyn offered and smiled. "It is rather easy and we have a training pool next to the gym in Level 3. I could block it tonight." He seemed not too enthusiastic.

"I am not sure that is a good idea."

"What about that: I will show you how to swim and if you manage, you'll go to Spira. If you don't, I'll go and nothing changes. There's nothing to lose."

Karyn had to admit that back then it had sounded pretty logical even to her, but now, looking at her reflection in the black cross-front bikini, it didn't. _Why had she done that? _

She wouldn't have offered it to anyone. But Thrawn wasn't anyone. She liked him. He was calm and intelligent and working with him was fun. Ok, sometimes it was frustrating too, as he did not always find it necessary to inform her about his wild stunts, but serving under him had always been fun. She smiled. He was quite something; and she had known him for what felt like an eternity. All the way back to when he had still been a Commodore and not the freshly baked Grand Admiral he was now. _Grand Admiral? Who would have thought…_

Karyn looked in the mirror again. She looked good for her age. Flat stomach, her brown hair done up in a ponytail.

_It didn't matter! She was only going to swim and not to a beauty competition! And he wouldn't care anyway. She could probably walk out all naked and he wouldn't care. And she didn't care either! So what?! _Quickly she grabbed her towel and then marched out of the changing room.

He looked great. Of course, she had suspected that, but knowing as a different thing. She tried hard not to look, but looked nonetheless. Quick glances, nothing too obvious. He had wide shoulders, a broad chest, narrow hips, muscular thighs and long legs.

_Damn…._

He was a blue Adonis, with satanic eyes in a pair of very favorable black Imperial swim shorts. A handsome man. And somehow the faded scars on his chest made him even more desirable.

_What?!_

While trying hard to concentrate on something besides her half-naked commanding officer, Karyn showed him the swim board for learners.

"With this thing, everyone can swim. Follow me, Sir."

Obediently her student followed her into the water. The first part of the pool was shallow enough to stand.

"Thrawn."

"What?"

"We are off duty. You don't have to call me 'Sir' here."

"Alright, Thrawn." The word sounded strange in her mouth. "Just put this underneath your torso. Like this." She hopped on it and then began to make the standard swimming movements. "As long as there is air in your lungs it's actually hard to drown. Your body is bound to float, you know? But we will practice this first."

He was a dutiful student, but it was obvious that he didn't like the water.

"You should try it without the board now. And whatever you do, don't panic."

"I am uncertain about the success of your proposal."

"Just kick your legs and move your arms as I showed you and you'll be fine." She added reassuringly.

He climbed off the board but held on to it.

"Now without." Like a strict teacher Karen grabbed the board and pushed it away. To her surprised the Chiss reached for her hand instead.

"For future reference. You could give a little more warning before doing that."

She laughed.

"I won't let you drown." She reassured him and pulled away. "Try to swim to the edge."

"Best idea so far." He said through gritted teeth.

"I'll be right next to you and give you a hand if you need it."

He looked worried but swam.

"You're doing fine. Try to relax."

"I am trying, but all my instincts tell me otherwise."

"To most Humans swimming is like breathing, walking or talking. It comes natural to us." She explained.

"Good for you."

When he had reached the wall, he quickly grabbed it. He looked tense and happy at the same time.

"You did it." Karyn smiled and tread the water next to him. "Six more weeks of training and you'll be ready for the intergalactic swimming competition."

"Hardly."

"Let's do one row and back again." The Chiss looked to the other side of the basin.

"The shorter one if you do not mind."

"Fair enough and I'll give you a head start. Are you in?"

He nodded.

"Alright."

"Ready, set… go!"

When he was already halfway there. She took a deep breath and dived all the way past him. She quickly got up, took a deep breath while simultaneously turning around at the opposite end and then quickly crawled back again. When he had finally made it back, she already sat on the edge of the pool, waiting for him.

"Wanna try again?" She grinned down at him.

Without a warning, he gripped her legs and pulled her down under water.

When she came up again, she laughed and in an attempt of revenge, she reached for his shoulders and tried to push him down. But he didn't move. He was like a rock that just stayed above water. Karyn looked over her shoulder and noticed that he held on to the wall.

"That's not fair!"

"So much for not letting me drown."

He said with a handsome smile. Suddenly she realized how close they were. She was literarily in his arms. _What were they doing here? Why had she wanted to go here with him?_

A long moment passed by, their playfulness all of a sudden gone. Gone with the water surrounding their bodies like soft silk. Without thinking, Karyn then moved closer and kissed him. It felt good, except that he didn't return it.

She moved away and her face burned. _What had she done?!_

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No. I never quite understood Human sexuality. Chiss are not as… free with their sexual favours as Humans are. It is possible I gave you wrong signals."

"I'm not _free with my sexual favours_!"

He could see it in her face. Like doors, after doors, closing shut. Keeping him out.

"I'm not _free with my sexual favours_!" She said with contempt in her voice and pushed away. With two quick movements, she was out off the water and on her way to the changing cabin.

"Karyn, I did not mean it like that."

She didn't even turn around.

Slowly he made his way to the stairs.

Perhaps he had offended her by his refusal. Perhaps she had understood that he thought she was sleeping around. Perhaps both. It hadn't been his intention to hurt her. On the other hand, he really thought that Humans lived their sexuality very freely. Chiss procreated to reproduce. Not for pleasure; not with just anyone.

He liked Karyn, but he had never considered a sexual relationship with her before. And it was against naval regulations too, for good reasons. He had done the right thing.

In the next couple of weeks, he found out that he had hurt her, the human, the female beneath the uniform. She did her duty as a soldier, just as professionally as before, but she did not look him in the eye. There were no smiles and this thing Humans called "Smalltalk" was gone too. He might have preferred it that way if it hadn't been in stark contrast to years of past behavior. Then he found himself faced with a transfer application. He should never have gone swimming with her. The way to the top was a lonely one and Karyn and Eli were the only ones who he had known for years. The only ones he trusted, he could call friends. Well, 'friends' was perhaps too strong a word as he had always been their superior officer, but he felt comfortable in their company. He felt inclined to deny it. She was a good officer and he wanted her by his side. On the other hand, hadn't Napoleon once said: "I win my battles with the dreams of my soldiers."? If she didn't want to be here, it was best to let her go and so he did.

It wouldn't be for twenty years until their paths would cross again.

She was an Admiral of her own now. He was not surprised. She was a mature lady with streaks of grey in her brown hair. She had gained weight too, but it looked good. She was quieter and stronger in character. Karyn had always been an intelligent, quiet soldier who got along well with her peers and superiors. Usually, that was.

There wasn't any special greeting between them and the meeting with Admiralty went on very professionally as well. Like they didn't know each other.

About twenty minutes in, her adjutant entered and held out an activated comlink.

"Admiral Faro. A call for you."

"I said no disturbances."

"It's your son, mam. He said it's urgent." She cursed silently and then looked up to him.

"Could I have a minute, Sir?"

The Chiss nodded. "Very well."

She reached for the com.

"Bertrand?"

She said and then went on in a language he did not understand. French - if he got that right. He activated her file. Karyn Laurène Faro. French... an old Human language, only spoken on a few planets and it was about to die out. He had probably butchered her name for years. He knew all her qualifications, all her awards and at the same time, he knew nothing at all …

Through the view panel, he could see her smile. He saw that glittering in her eyes, saw the Human girl again, he had met so many years ago. But as soon as the call had ended, Karyn was gone and Admiral Faro had returned.

"You have a son?" He asked politely, mild interested in his voice.

"Yes." Nothing more. She would have said so much more back then. To her – friend? But they weren't friends...

Whatever they had been, the doors were closed and she would never let him back in.

Looking back now, a sad smile crossed his face.

_What had a famous Human poet once said? `Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.´_

What if …. He had said something else? …. Had given in to her?

He missed her.

In the end, she had been the smarter one…he was just - alone.

**THE END**


End file.
